This weekend I celebrated a bride to be who I’ve known for the past 20 or so years. I’ve had 3 weddings in my family the past 3 years, and another 2 coming up next month alone. I know weddings are supposed to make you think about love and soul mates and growing old with someone but this made me really think about the relationships I’ve made with the women who have been in my life since day 1 and everyone in between.
I believe one of the most important parts of friendship is effort. I’ve noticed that this part of friendship definitely gets more difficult as you get older. There’s school, jobs, obligations, you may move farther apart, and there are significant others that take up some of the effort that you used to put into friendships. Don’t get me wrong, it’s important to work on your romantic relationships and make that person a priority as well because your significant other does end up becoming a new best friend. However, it’s all about balance. After college, friendships are harder to maintain, I think, because there’s so much less time to balance everything. We’re at a point in our lives in our twenties when we have to think about our significant other as our possible future. It’s scary and wonderful and terrifying and exciting all at once. You’re put through new highs and new lows every day and it’s important to put in the time and effort to really get what you want out of a relationship. However, as important as that is to me, I would be nothing if I didn’t have my best friends to talk through these highs and lows with.
The biggest reason I’ve grown apart from friendships in my life is because of relationships. I’m not saying that this is a good thing or a bad thing really it’s just a fact of life for anyone experiencing post grad life I would say. I have countless stories from other women who unfortunately lost some of their best friends to significant others. It’s pretty traumatizing having a real connection with someone and then being put on a back burner for the new man in their life. I have a lot of pride in the fact that I put a great amount of effort into all of my friendships. I have a constant group text going with my 2 best friends and we get together on average once a week, either with our boyfriends or just for girls night or a shopping day. Sometimes it varies and one or two of us has our boyfriend with us and we somehow have mastered the art of not making the other person feel like a 5th wheel. I know this because I was single for the past 3 years while my 2 friends were in relationships and you bet your butt I globbed onto many double date nights like it was my job. (Thanks for always making me feel welcome gals!)
I have two friends who recently moved in with their boyfriends and have I seen them since they’ve made the move? Of course I have. Moving in with a boyfriend is not a death sentence, there are still sleepovers and girls nights involved. In fact, it’s almost better because we usually have a ride to the bars or snacks waiting for us from bored boyfriends who really just want us out of the house for a few hours as it is. I recently started dating someone and I still go out with my single friends every other week at least because even though I have a significant other to go home to I still enjoy going out and having a good time. I never want to change who I am and what I enjoy doing just to get along better in my relationship. Getting married should not be a death sentence to your friendships either. All I could think about this weekend was planning my own bachelorette party. I’m not even close to getting married but I know that when I am ready for that I’m going to have the most amazing women standing by my side, through everything. My boyfriend is very important to me and he supports me and gets me through a lot of hard times but there is truly nothing like my very best friends who know exactly what to do to make me feel special.
So thank you to all the ladies in my life who have stuck by me in and out of relationships and really continue to put forth the effort to keep our friendship going. I know it’s hard balancing life, work, boyfriends, parents, and everything in between but I can honestly say when I walk down that aisle I will be the luckiest girl in the world to have my *multiple* soul mates waiting for me at the end.
Thanks for reading, xoxox Twenty Clueless