Sunday Night Self Esteem

This past weekend was rough for me in terms of my mindset. After a tough week at work, I allowed myself to over analyze my career choices and how I do my job. From here I began to spiral and eventually ended up just plain hating myself. My anxiety sometimes makes my self esteem suffer and I start to get paranoid. My brain goes to a place where I second guess everything I do, the way I talk to people, how I look, how I act, everything. I’ve always found myself to be a very confident person after the age of 19 when I finally stopped going through puberty (for the most part). So when my brain goes to this place, it terrifies me. I worked really hard to turn my mind into something that helps me and makes me who I am. I like who I am so I don’t like when I start to get weary about exactly what I do that makes me me.

I went to two places this weekend that really helped me reset my mind. I went to a yoga class on Saturday morning and it really helped me view my problems in a different light. I was told to focus on my “contentness” and recognize the moments in the day that I feel good. I heard that at a time when my stomach was in knots and my anxiety was at an all time high so this thought helped but it was hard to put into action. I then went to a wellness fair today where I looked over some stones and crystals to try to find the best one for me. The man had dream catching candles, white sage, and various stones. One that struck me was a desert rose stone. This stone has many different properties that help in different aspects of your life but the one that struck me was its ability to push away negative energy. After hearing a little about it, I bought a stone and went home to research and meditate. As I sat with the stone in my hand, focusing on contentness I actually felt my chest release. It was like a wave of relief came over me and I felt like I could breathe for the first time in 3 days. I’m so struck by how powerful this stone is, I can’t wait to learn more about it and it’s properties. Supposedly it charges by moonlight so it’s sitting on my windowsill gaining more energy so I can bring it with me to school tomorrow.

I know this all sounds kind of crazy and loony to some people but I like having something to believe in, especially something holistic that helped give me relief in a time where I was ready to go to my physician for a prescription.

So to now work on myself in the spirit of self esteem Sunday I’m going to share 10 facts about myself that will hopefully make myself feel better and give you some insight into getting to know me better!

1. On a good night I’m able to get at least 10 questions right on Jeopardy, which I think is pretty darn impressive.

2. I’ve read the 7th Harry Potter book 8 times. It’s got like, a thousand pages in it.

3. I’ve always been good at writing poetry. I’d like to get more into that.

4. I did not pass the math portion of my teaching exam 5 times partly because I’m terrible at math and partly due to severe test anxiety and when I finally did pass I got 10 points higher than I needed after studying my butt off.

5. I’ve gotten every job I’ve ever applied for except for one. Marylou’s coffee when I was 19. Bitches.

6. I used to play the flute in wind ensemble and could read music. Not that impressive but I don’t even think I could play a scale now so it’s impressive looking back.

7. I won the 4th grade social studies bee which means at one point I knew all the states, their capitals, abbreviations, and locations. That would be cool to still know that (oops)

8. I never interacted with kids with special needs in middle and high school because I did not know how to put myself out there like that and I guess because it made me uncomfortable (which is a hard realization for me to have now). I now teach special education and give my students opportunities daily to interact with different kids and it makes me feel a little better that I didn’t use that kind of inclusion in my daily life when I was younger.

9. I taught at a school for students who have severe forms of autism over the summer. I was slapped, hit, punched, bit, head butted, and spit on regularly. I did not quit even though I cried every night. It brought me out of my professional comfort zone and it was one of the first things noticed at my interview for my current job.

10. I’ve had the same best friend since kindergarten and have made at least 2 best friends each monumental year since (middle school, high school, freshman year or college, senior year, etc.) My friends are my rocks.

Let me know some interesting facts about yourself in the comments love, have a beautiful week.

Xoxo TwentyClueless

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